


It's on Mars

by orphan_account



Category: A Very Potter Musical, A Very Potter Sequel - Fandom, AVPM - Fandom, AVPS - Fandom, Harry Potter - Fandom, Starkid
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-01
Updated: 2013-03-01
Packaged: 2017-12-04 00:28:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/704383
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Pigfarts adventure!<br/>Rumbleroar suffers from back problems.<br/>A few other things happen. I won't spoil it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's on Mars

“Pigfarts, Pigfarts, here I come!  
Pigfarts, Pigfarts, yum yum yum!”

Pigfarts Intergalactic School of Martian Witchcraft and Wizardry. A most prestigious school, only for the best. Kept secret from the majority of the magical community on Earth. Growlus Rumbleroar sighed. It was a very stressful job, maintaining the high standards at the martian school. The best in the galaxy. He was also tired from a ride he had given to two good first years. He often considered ending the policy of giving good students a ride on his back, as he was getting old. He wasn't the young, fine cub he used to be. Oh, back in his day all the lionesses were very impressed by his stunning gold fur and his striking eyes. He smiled at the memory. But now, Growlus Rumbleroar was past his time. He didn't think his back could cope with more passengers. He started sorting papers when a loud knock came from the door of his office. He paused and bellowed out “Come in.” The door opened and Professor McGonagills, the flying fish sauntered in. “What is it?” Rumbleroar did not like being pestered. McGonagills hesitated so Growlus roared. “It...it's Slitherus. He's disappeared.”   
“He can't have just disappeared.”  
“He didn't turn up for his class. I went in and all the students were behaving quite recklessly.” Rumbleroar was secretly pleased. He didn't want any more good students. His ancient back couldn't take it.  
“I assume they have a teacher now?”  
“Um...”   
“THEY'LL BE SMASHING THE WINDOWS BY NOW!” Rumbleroar roared an almighty roar. “Please can you cover for Snake?” The fish nodded and went back to the classroom. Rumbleroar sighed a huge sigh. He really disliked Slitherus Snake. That blasted reptile, with his vendetta against him. Unfortunately, talking animals applying for teaching jobs were not common. Beggars can't be choosers. But there was no way of finding out where Snake ran off to. He'd just have to wait until he came back. Rumbleroar growled and looked in his diary. He could do with some time off. But there was a Martian marriage ceremony that evening. Growlus roared in frustration. Marriage ceremonies were the worst. And a student applying. Draco Malfoy. Rumbleroar tossed the form aside. He didn't want to think about even more potential students who could potentially ride on his back even more. Rumbleroar realised he had been quite loud and looked over at his slumbering cubs. They were still asleep, thankfully. He really couldn't deal with more noise. Those cubs were very noisy when they were awake. And that's why dances were banned at Pigfarts. Plus it's hard to dance in a spacesuit. But suddenly, there was a huge boom. Growlus hurried to the window, ignoring the screeching cubs behind him. He watched in dismay as one by one, the docking vadars exploded. Bright flames shone in the sky, lighting up the school. Slitherus... Growlus let out a very loud roar and turned to the cubs who now had huddled together, quaking in their spacesuits. After checking they were all present, Rumbleroar used magic to project his voice over the school. “Students and staff of Pigfarts, this is your headmaster speaking. The docking vadars have all been destroyed. You must be wearing your spacesuits. I repeat, you must be wearing your spacesuits. Go to emergency dock 2. Security plan A.” Then Growlus nodded to the cubs and pressed a button on his desk. He muttered a secret word and the whole office converted into a space pod. “Sit tight, cubs,” he warned and took his place at the control seat. Then he started up the pod and flew high, up above the school. He then set off for the remains of the docking vadars. He reached vadar one and scanned the area for life. He needed to find whoever did this. Slitherus, he thought. That manky reptile must have done this. He couldn't find anyone at vadar one so he went to two. Again, no signs of life. He went to three. Again, nothing. Soon he was at the last vadar. Vadar four was empty as well. So Rumbleroar landed and stepped out of the pod. He knew it could be dangerous, but he needed to find the bomber. He walked around the remains, trying to find a clue. There, lying in the debris, was a small device. A pipe bomb. Rumbleroar stepped back into the pod. He needed to consult McGonagills. So he flew to emergency dock 2. He landed on top of it and took his cubs into the underground safe house. The panicked students all fell silent and looked at him as he entered.  
“Students of Pigfarts, please remain calm. But, as you will have seen, this is not a drill. This is an emergency and we will find out who did this. Have all of you got your spacesuits?” McGonagills nodded. “We checked. Everyone is okay.” Growlus checked. She appeared to be right.   
“For now,” Rumbleroar bellowed out, “Your lessons will continue as normal. Your teachers are here. Off you go.” Snake didn't have a class at this time. Neither did McGonagills. Growlus turned to her. “Come with me.” She nodded and followed him to the pod. The cubs stayed behind. The two professors entered the spacecraft and sat next to each other.  
“Growlus, I trust you have a plan?”  
“We need to find Slitherus Snake,” he muttered in a low voice. “Run checks on the life in the area. Does anything look like him?” The flying fish nodded and set to work. Rumbleroar contacted a group of martians who were willing to rebuild the vadars.   
“RUMBLEROAR!” McGonagills suddenly shouted. “I found a match. Emergency docking station 3.”  
“Take us there.”   
“But you're driving.”  
“Be quiet, fishface.” Rumbleroar sped off. McGonagills was quiet for the rest of the journey. When they arrived, they entered the building slowly.   
“Be careful, professor. He's dangerous,” Growlus warned. She nodded and walked further in.   
“Gollywoggles!” She exclaimed as she tripped. Suddenly there was a hiss and a snake emerged from the shadows.  
“...Slitherus?” McGonagills looked at the snake.  
“...I need a spacesuit,” the snake whispered. McGonagills looked at the lion.  
“Get him in the spacecraft,” he growled. She nodded and took him there. Growlus followed and slammed the door of the pod behind him. McGonagills was busy helping the snake into the suit.  
“YOU BLEW UP OUR VADARS, SNIVELLUS.” Rumbleroar was furious.   
“I did not, you bumbling fool of a cat. Why on Mars would I ever do that?” The snake hissed.  
“WELL WHO DID, SLIMY?”  
“How would I know? I left the class because they were driving me insane.” Slitherus didn't mention the love songs he had been writing on his own.  
“You're fired, Slitherus Snake.”  
“About time, Growlus Rumbleroar. I dislike this school and the staff. I never wanted to live on Mars in the first place.” Rumbleroar glared at Snake and tossed his mane.   
“We need to find out who caused this,” McGonagills said.  
“HOW ABOUT I TELL YOU?” A voice came from the back of the pod. The three teachers turned around and saw a small boy in a small spacesuit. The boy spun round and kicked the air. Then he dropped to his knees and rolled over to the lion. Then he jumped up, right in Growlus' face.   
“I blew up the vadars, Growlus Rumbleroar,” he said smugly. “It was me. INDEED.” Rumbleroar pushed the little child away and snarled.  
“Who even are you?!” McGonagills spoke up.  
“I have waited years to get to this school. I sent the application two years ago! The moment I ordered my rocketship was the moment I sent the form off!”  
“Look, kiddo. It takes time to get mail from- where are you from?” Growlus was fed up.  
“I am from the planet Earth.” The boy rolled around again.  
“Stop rolling- oh! You're that flipping Malfoy.” Rumbleroar growled.  
“Yes! My name is Draco Malfoy. And I have blown up your vadars!” Slitherus hissed and bit the boy's head off. He was too tired for this. There was a pause while McGonagills and Rumbleroar took this in. Then Rumbleroar growled a happy roar.  
“SLITHERUS SNAKE! Would you care to ride on my back?”  
“I suppose I wouldn't mind that.” Rumbleroar hoisted the snake onto his back and they jumped out of the pod and rode off, going nowhere in particular. And that was that.


End file.
